I wrote this at the end of last year and I never posted it. I don't know why, I guess it kind of sucks to admit to all of it, but I may as well.

Since then, three other “maybe babies” have come and gone. Not too surprisingly, it is progressively easier to deal with each one as they come along.

Dear Sienna Elyse,

On Friday, October 11, 2013, I got a call from the agency. They said they had a birthmother who was due November 1, but was likely going into labor any day (she was already 3 centimeters dilated!!). They were going to show her my profile the following Monday, and if she agreed to it, they’d set me up with an interview for Wednesday. Basically, by Tuesday, they would be able to let me know if I was in the running to adopt this baby that was due any day. When they asked me what questions I had, I didn’t have any. I didn’t want to know if it was a girl or a boy, I didn’t want to know anything, really, until I knew if there was even a chance that it was you.

That weekend was grueling. Few days in my life have been as much of a roller coaster ride as those three days that I waited to hear from the agency. I knew it was a long shot to be picked. If they had the option of a two-parent household to take their child, it’s extremely likely they would go with that option instead of me. So, the first thing I told myself was, “This is not my baby, I will not get my hopes up!” But, of course, the fiendishly hopeful little elf that lives in my head (or maybe my heart?), kept saying “maybe” and “what if?” Every time I told myself this would not happen and I should not go out and buy bottles, onesies and a Halloween outfit, the stupid little elf popped up and said “Well…you never know…” and there went my heart. Seeing a “My First Thanksgiving” bib brought me to tears in the middle of a store. I couldn’t even tell you why.

Tuesday came and all day I waited for the call from the agency. It was nearly 5PM when I sent an email to a friend and told her that clearly I had not been chosen to adopt this baby, because if I hadn’t heard from them by then, I wasn’t going to. Fifteen minutes after I sent that email, the phone rang and up popped the agency’s number. Of course, I was on the phone with a client who I couldn’t hang up with. I had to watch as the agency’s number rang four times before going away and then the message light appeared. When I finally got off the phone with the client, I didn’t breathe at all as I dialed the numbers to check the message. It said that the birthmother had seen my profile and “was very impressed.” Apparently, when she saw my profile on Monday, she had been particularly fond of the cultures I’ve come across and experiences I’ve had, countries I’ve lived in, etc. That said, she had not called the agency to let them know if she wanted to meet with me. They were still waiting.

Again, insufferable waiting… 

By Wednesday, mid-day, I was ready to puke when the agency finally called again. No breathing, heart stopped, world came to a halt, etc. etc. etc. The agency told me that the birthmother had picked the other family and they were very sorry about that, but my profile was a good one because the birthmother had liked it a lot. They didn’t say “it was good, just not good enough,” but that was basically all I heard. I didn’t cry, I think I laughed when I said, “well, it was a long shot anyway” and then thanked the agency for shoving a knife in my stomach and told them to have a great day.

I never asked for more information, I don’t even know if it was a girl. The rest of that week had some crazy days involving things that had nothing to do with you or the baby that wasn’t you. That weekend, I was fine as well. But one evening the following week, I was getting ready for bed and suddenly I had tears in my eyes that it wasn’t you, that I wasn’t buying booties and onesies and other items that end in “ies”. It just wasn’t fair that most women can randomly get pregnant and have as many children as they want before turning 30. And here I was, having tried to date the right way, the wrong way, and every other way in between. Not only was I not married, but my attempt to adopt had just failed! I was about to turn 32 and I had no husband, no baby, no family near me. I cut out the things in my life that didn’t fit with being your mother. I stopped dating so that I could focus on you, I let go of friends who were costing me money and time I needed for you, I was paying a lot more for a better house and car and working hard on my career so that I could raise you right. All that sacrifice, all that work, and as simple as that, someone looked at my profile and found me unworthy. There was a nasty little pain in my chest and I thought I was going to start sobbing. But I didn’t. I made myself stop the self-pity party and went to bed without any hysterics, just a couple tears. But it has still taken me a long while before I could write you this letter. That little pain in my chest hasn’t gone away yet. That feeling of “it’s not fair” is hard to push away.

Good News and Bad News

Dear Sienna Elyse,

Right now, I don't have any family living near me. My closest sister is 3.5 hours' drive away and the others are 6 hours away, with all my brothers at least a two hour flight away. But I've been thinking that once you and I are together, we'll move to be closer to my sisters, at least, which would be great.

The big thing recently is that while my parents are currently missionaries in South America, they have decided to come back to the States. Recently, they were attacked and robbed by armed gunmen (wait, is "armed" gunmen redundant? I'm not sure...). That was pretty awful. I got a little message from my dad on my phone (I rarely get an IM from him) saying that it was actually my mom and they'd been robbed at gunpoint. At which point I supressed the urge to scream in horror and immediately started calling them.

Turns out, they were sitting on their patio finishing up dinner and just talking, when my mom sees a masked guy running towards them with a gun in his hand, followed by a few others. She immediately starts screaming and runs for her bedroom, where she proceeds to hide under the bed after locking the door to her room.

Where was my father, your grandfather, you ask? Well, since my mother wasn't able to tell him that there were armed men coming at them, he had no idea and sort of watched her running off screaming in shock, before turning around to see these guys coming right at him. They proceeded to beat him up. One goes inside to grab stuff, a few (maybe four or five) stay outside to beat dad. At some point, he's on the ground and they're trying to decide what to do and he hears them say, "Let's just get rid of him." This is when he realizes they are going to kill him, so he decides he's not going to die on the ground like a coward and jumps up and starts attacking two of them. A third jumps into the fight and the rest are yelling at the ones fighting him to shoot him in the head, "...just shoot him, shoot him in the head."

This fight goes on for a little while and then they get scared, probably because dad is a lot stronger than they thought he would be, and take off running. Dad runs into the house to get mom and there is one more guy there who is taking off with a bunch of things. The guy points his gun at dad and tells him to stay there as he runs out of the house. Of course, dad chases after him, because, once you've physically attacked three young men with guns, what's chasing after one more???

Dad didn't get the last guy and they got away with my mom's laptop, their cell phones and a few other things. But didn't take the car, or even TV (not that they had a big one to take, anyway), which is extremely lucky. Mom wouldn't open the door for dad when he came knocking because she thought they had a gun to his head and were forcing him to get her to open the door so they could...well, do horrible things. So after thirty minutes of coaxing, she finally opens the door and comes out. Since my dad has been quite worried about just this sort of thing happening, he's always been paranoid about locking up his laptop and hiding it. Which means the robbers didn't get it and that's how mom was able to get in touch with me.

They called the police, but it took them over an hour to get there because their patrol car had broken down and they were forced to hitch-hike. The car that gave them a ride, dropped them off nearly a mile from mom and dad's house, so they had to run the rest of the way...yeah, that's cop service for you in third world countries.

Anyway, dad thinks they left because mom had gone into the house and they couldn't get to her, so they thought she had called the police and the cops were on their way. But, in a country like that, everyone knows the cops don't show up right away, certainly not within minutes of a call. So, I'm pretty sure they didn't expect dad to fight back and that frightened them more than anything. The good news here, is that mom and dad then decided to come back to the States! Which is awesome.

Unfortunately, it will take time for them to sell their house and get everything over here. Which is difficult for both them and us. Everyday, they have the memory of being attacked and everyday, we know something could happen to them. It's not a good way to live and I wish there was something I could do to help them get here. They've been missionaries for the last 30-something years and coming back here means they have absolutely nothing. They'll have to start everything over from scratch and I just don't even know what putting "Missionary for 35+ years" on their resume will ever get them. It's not going to be easy. If they could sell the house, then at least they'd have something to rely on for a while until they're better situated. But that's turning into quite a painful and difficult, nearly impossible process.

So, all that to say, I'm hoping they find a place near my sisters so that I can move closer to my sisters and parents at the same time. I think it's totally possible...maybe. Ha. But clearly, we're a family that enjoys dealing with nearly insurmountable odds and getting things done anyway. Dad has done it before and I'm sure he'll do it again. If they have to come here with nothing in their pockets, we'll figure out something anyway.

They're so excited about you. They are actually looking at homes near my city in case they can buy something when they get here so they can be here to help with you. I can't wait to have them nearby.

I love you.

Mom

Homestudies are fun!

Dear Sienna Elyse,

I finished the homestudy and am just waiting on my approval papers! Yay! The Catholic social worker told me that I am definitely approved; it's just a matter of them writing up my information and putting the approval on file. Once that happens, I go on a waiting list where birthmothers will be able to see my profile and decide if they'd like me to adopt their little one.

Unfortunately, the odds are not in my favor. When I went in with this adoption agency, they made it all sound quite well and lovely, that it was very possible that I would be picked, even if I am single. But I've been doing more research lately and, much as I thought previously, it would be a miracle if a birthmother picked me to adopt their baby in less than 5 to 10 years. That doesn't mean this won't happen, it just means it's going to be that much more difficult. Oh well, when have I ever done something the easy way? Maybe you'll know me when I'm less complicated and can do things the easy way from time to time.

In the meantime, I've been asked out and agreed to a couple dates here and there. We were not compatible. I've also been asked out and politely declined because, well, we were REALLY not compatible. My hopes of being a lovely young bride and then becoming a mother that way are quickly fading. One day, I'll meet a man who I have no hatred for the moment I set eyes on him, after some conversation, I won't detest him even more and will feel like I can stand his presence for a little longer than other men/people, that's when I'll be OK with him asking me out...and then I'll find out he's married or gay! :) Haha. I know I should not expect so much of a husband, but if I expect so much of myself, I don't see why I can't expect some of that from a husband. Well, life's simply not fair and one must get over it and move on.

Anyhoo, since you or a husband are quite the ways off to enter my life, I've agreed to take in my 17 year old niece - your cousin - for the summer. She's having...shall we say, some issues? Hopefully I can help her, but who knows with teenagers! I call her Padawan because I really think all teenagers are like Jedi apprentices - they're still deciding if they want to use the good or dark force, depending on who they've agreed to apprentice from (which could be Siths or Jedis), they are always strong in the force (i.e. they have a lot of potential) and it's all just a matter of which way they decide to go and how they decide to use their crazy powers of potential. Also, it's funny and it makes me giggle. So I call her that. Of course, I don't know if Sith Lords call their apprentices "Padawan" or not. I feel like they'd be real jerks to them, because they're evil and all, so maybe they have a worse name for them. Someday, I'll ask a Star Wars guru all these burning questions, or Google.

Hmmm...this is going strongly in the Star Wars direction - did you know Walt Disney bought the rights to...well, all of that? Wait, if you are old enough to read this, you probably really, really don't care.

Well, Padawan and I are spending the summer trying to be healthy and stay away from the sun. Yep, we both really hate that shiny ball in the sky - in our defense, we're quite certain it's trying to kill us, so, yeah. Oh! Also! This summer, I was introduced to a snake living in my basement. By now, you should know how much I love snakes and can imagine the absolute horror that was. I got snake repellent and made my entire lawn and house smell like a giant moth ball; I'm told by the internet that snake repellent doesn't work. I am now utterly free of moths, I'm unclear on the snake situation.

So, I should get my homestudy approval papers any day now and I should be put on a waiting list of hopeful parents wanting a little tiny baby to be their own (I suppose some of them could want a big fat baby, I'd be fine with that, too, but even if they're big and fat, I think they'd still be small...you know, by comparison to other, bigger things, so it's not entirely wrong of me to say "little tiny" - or maybe I should follow that with "by comparison to, say, a car").

Padawan thinks I'll be a great mom, but I guess you'll be the judge of that. I love you, stinker (you've undoubtedly had some stinky diapers, so I'm allowed to call you that).

Mom

We're on our way...

Dear Sienna Elyse,

On February 8^th, I sent in my adoption application to the Diocese of the City I’m in right now. Last week, March 13^th, I received my application approval. We’re moving forward with the home study and when that is complete, I will be put on a waiting list for someone to pick me to be your mother. Other than moving into the right house to have you and getting a better car to drive you around in, this is the biggest step forward. The first part of this process I can truly celebrate. The home study is something I can’t really fail…unless I commit a horrible crime or come down with a fatal decease. Good news! Neither of those are likely to happen! Ha.

Last year, at the end of the year, Russia decided they would no longer allow U.S. citizens to adopt Russian orphans. It’s quite heartbreaking because they only put the law into place in retaliation for another law the U.S. put into place, and the ones who will have to pay for it will be children. Hundreds of thousands of them. Just another example of the selfishness of grown-ups whose parents didn’t raise them right. I’d like to hope that you will grow up to never seek petty vengeance at the cost of those who are helpless and defenseless. If you have to seek vengeance, do it the right way, OK? You can’t really tell, but that’s a joke.

Anyway, back in December, the Russia ordeal had made me pretty sad as it was one of my only options as a country that accepted single mothers and met my other criteria. I was pretty upset, but of course, started looking everywhere else for what my other options might be. That’s when I stumbled on the Catholic church. They had an option for domestic adoption, but I couldn’t see any other information other than a name and number to call. So I was clueless about it. Of  course, I have not been very keen on domestic adoption from the beginning. The horror stories of birth mothers changing their minds and trying to take babies back from families that have become their parents and family, have frightened me more than I can say. But I called the number and set up an appointment to meet with the program manager. When I went in, she told me that their program had been closed for some time, but had just reopened right about the time the Russian adoption program had closed. Then, she went on to tell me that they were doing a re-vamp of their systems and that the fees for the process would be going up soon, so if I wanted to take advantage of the lower prices, I’d have to apply pretty quickly.

To begin with, the fees were about a fourth of what the Russian adoption fees were. I kept asking her to confirm the numbers I was seeing in the papers she had given me because I couldn’t believe it. Not that fees make any difference when it comes to you—if I were to give birth to you myself, I’d have to pay a massive hospital bill and no one ever thinks twice about that! But it did mean I would need much less time to save up. The fact that the program opened up just when I needed to find something, and at a time that the fees were lower than they would be was all quite serendipitous. Or so I’d like to think. The program would change its rates by February 18^th; I got my application in 10 days ahead of that deadline. Which, of course, was no walk in the park. It took a lot of work and many hours going over the information, completing the profile and putting together all the little tidbits that were necessary in order for me to be able to submit it. I saw various doctors to get their sign off on my health, I also got fingerprinted a couple times…and a had lady there insist that it needed to be done electronically and that if the hard copy printing didn’t work for me, I’d have to pay to get it done again. Of course, the fee to be fingerprinted was all of $10, so I’m still unsure what the fuss was all about! Oh, and the hard copy prints worked just fine.

All of that happened in about a month and then I was left waiting for nearly a month. I knew they would contact me in early March, but each day went by and I would go home thinking that letter would be in the mail and it wouldn’t be there! I even emailed the program manager and she assured me I would be getting a “notification” soon. Ugh, “notification” could mean anything!! So, naturally, it was the one day I went home not expecting anything that I got it in just a regular size letter envelope. There were no fireworks or bright lights, no music started to play or people gather to applaud, no Champagne bottles were popped or teary eyed family members there to embrace me. I walked quietly into the house and read the first paragraph without actually breathing. It took three and a half lifetimes, each word taking forever to process and understand, but likely three and a half seconds.  And then I screamed and scared the dog half way across the living room. She promptly went to her bed and sat there staring at me, waiting to see what else I would do. Then I remembered that just getting an application approval didn’t mean you’d be in my arms the next day, there was a whole lot more to go, so I calmed down. But I still took a picture of the paragraph that said I was approved and texted it to all my siblings. All six of them! Ha. My younger brother called and everyone else sent a text saying something awesome. Then, I called my mom and she did a bit of screaming for joy, too. Of course, talking to my mother, I got a little teary eyed and, as always, imagined you with me. By the way, when I imagine you being with me, I don’t see your face or anything, but you’re always the most perfect thing in the whole world. I try to imagine you misbehaving a little sometimes, because I figure that’s got to happen (otherwise, you’d be an alien or an other-worldly creature and I’m not sure I’m ready to handle that!). If I expect you to be perfect and you turn out to be human, then it would put too much pressure on you to be perfect all the time. Thus, imagining you being imperfect from time to time – what doesn’t change is how much I love you!

Now, I’ve got another waiting game. The program manager is going to get in touch with me about starting the home study, and, of course, it’s a week later and I haven’t heard anything and I’m all sick inside wondering what’s happening. And that’s when I remember that she said it would take at least two months before she would be able to do my home study. Haha. Yeah, I have to remind myself to calm down sometimes.

All that to say, I’m on my way! You will be born at the right time, to the right person so you can have the right mother and family. People like to say that “everything happens for a reason.” Honestly, I don’t really believe that (I couldn’t say that the tsunami that killed thousands of people “happened for a reason”; or the tornado that killed half a family and left the other half destitute is not really a “happened for a reason” moment). But I do believe that there are some important things in our lives that happen for a reason. And I’d like to think that all of these things happening in my life right now, are for a reason – you.

I love you,

Mom.

Home Sweet Home

Dear Sienna Elyse,

Guess what? I found our house! It’s going to be your very first home. I’ve been looking for this house for more than a year and I finally found the right one. I can’t tell you how many houses I’ve seen! None of them were right for you. I saw one that had the washer and dryer in the kitchen (ugh)! There was this one that looked like it could be great, but it had water damage in the laundry room and these rickety stairs to a creepy basement. There was another one that looked really great, but my bedroom was on one floor and yours was on another. Also, your granddad didn’t like that one because it was close to the road and there was no fence and not much yard and he was worried you’d just toddle off onto the road and get hit by a car. Not that I would ever leave you alone long enough for that to happen, but that was still a good reason to let that one go.

There was this other one that was nearly an hour from where I work and so close to being over my budget, it made me nervous. I was thinking I could take the train to work. But then I thought, “What if something happens to Elyse and it takes me an hour to get to her?!” So then, I thought that you could come uptown to work with me and I’d put you in a daycare close to my office. But that would mean we would either have to drive two hours every day in traffic (and quadruple our chances of having an accident with you in the car), or I’d have to take you on the train with me every day. It sounds fun now, but can you imagine me trying to carry you on the train with all your bags and my work bags...disasters would be highly prone to taking place.

After I thought about that enough, I decided to look at places close to work! You can’t imagine how much time and thought I’ve put into finding the right place for you. I saw some nice ones, I saw some OK ones and I saw some really bad ones; all of them just had something that wasn’t quite right. I even found one that, on paper, was almost perfect! But it had these little issues that I just didn’t feel right about. It was a little farther from work than I would have liked (though not an hour away) and the only day-care nearby really scared me. I just couldn’t imagine you being there, which meant finding another daycare that wouldn’t be close to home. I almost took that house anyway because I can’t even start looking for you until I have a good house.

But one day my best friend told me to look at a house on her street. Since I can’t sell my townhouse, we have to rent for the moment and it turned out the owner was trying to sell this house. On a whim, we got the phone number of the agent and called them up seeing if, by any chance, they would rent it to me. Sure enough, they not only were willing to rent it to me, but they were willing to rent it for the price I was asking for! It has plenty of bedrooms, but only one bathroom. I’ve decided that since it will be just you and me, this will only help us learn to share better. Hehe. We have a huge backyard and a great big covered deck. At some point, I want to fence it all in and get a gazebo put in, too. I’m planning your bedroom, though I think you’ll be in my room most of the time anyway. Since I won’t have a husband who doesn’t want you in our bed, I’m thinking you’ll sleep with me until we’re both OK with you sleeping in your own room. I was thinking about putting in some rose bushes, but now I’m wondering if maybe I should just stick with some nice big green bushes to separate our yard from the neighbor’s. Of course, even though we have a huge yard, we have a big park right across the street, just diagonal to us. There are swings and slides and I think it has a seesaw. I’m pretty sure you’ll love it. On top of all that, my best friend is just a few houses down the road!

Now that I have the house, I can do the application. Oh my god, I can’t believe I can finally do that! I think I’ve chosen the agency I want to use and I’m pretty sure I will find you in Russia. I’ve gotten a better car, though I hate how big it is; but, it’s a good car to drive you around in, so I’m getting used to the bigness. It’s like a mini-van, but without all the van-ness of a van. I think that’s a good thing. Anyway, the point is, in my first letter to you, I said I needed a better car and house and now I have both. I found a church at the end of the street of the new house that has daycare at a very good price. I have to do a tour of the place, but I think it could work. Otherwise, I found another daycare which is just a little further away, but in the same neighborhood. The price is a little high, but if that place is better for you, then I’ll figure something out. 

Now that things are falling into place, I can imagine you being here so much more. I even dreamed last night that I took you to some places in France that I had been to when I was little. The funny thing is that it just felt normal. Like that was how it is supposed to be. Some people have been telling me that I won’t be able to travel, or do the things I can do while I’m single, once I have you. But I plan to travel and do all the things I do, just with you! And, they keep forgetting that without you, I can’t do some really, really big things; like go to movies for kids, play games like hide-and-seek in the living room, spend an evening reading Dr. Seuss books, finger paint, build a sheet tent in the living room, go trick or treating, play on a seesaw, and of course, I can’t be a mommy.  I can’t wait to have you in our little house all snuggly and safe and sound. Maybe my best friend will still be here and you and her daughter will play together. The day I find my way to you is coming closer and closer. I'm so happy and excited, I can hardly wait!

I love you,

Mom

Decisions

Dear Sienna Elyse,

        Sometimes, it’s hard to make the right decision when it comes to you. I’ve had a lot of decisions to make lately and I can only hope I’ve made the right ones. I go to a gym regularly now; you might think that’s funny, but I do it because I want my heart to be stronger so that I won’t be too weak to take care of you. When you keep me up at night and I still have to go to work the next day, when you’re sick and I’m sick and I still have to go to work the next day, I can’t let my heart give in to the fatigue.

The other day, though, I came close to fainting and it made me so angry. It wasn’t a big deal, the worst that could have happened is that I would have had to lay down. But I got so scared of fainting and I thought of what would happen if I fainted with you. My own weakness made me so furious! Of course, I now realize that if I hadn’t been so scared, if I hadn’t been so angry at myself, perhaps I could have controlled the symptoms better. Perhaps I could have fought it off and nothing would have happened. But my own fear made it all so much worse and turned it into much more than it was.

If I am to be your mother, I cannot be afraid. Today I was adding up all that it would cost me to get to you, all the things I would have to let go of, or give up to find you and be your mother. I’m ashamed to admit that for a moment, I thought it was too much. What I have to go through to get to you is monumental – it would be if I was doing it with a husband, it will be more so doing it on my own. And I got scared again.

Then I thought of you! What in this world could I possibly give up that is worth more than you? Nothing. There simply is nothing.

I have a lot of big hurdles to overcome, the biggest of which is my own fear. I know I will never completely master it, but I hope to be braver than I am now when I bring you home. Now if I can just be brave enough to make the right decisions...

I love you,

Mom

To what world do we venture out to?

Dear Sienna Elyse,

        So, I’ve been doing some research lately. I wanted to know the states and countries with the best scholastic systems. Of course, we’re talking K-12 at this point. When you go to college, we’ll figure out where we’re moving to then!

        As of this year, these are the States with the best grades and scholastic ratings:

1.            Maryland

2.            Massachusetts

3.            New York

4.            Virginia

5.            New Jersey

6.            Ohio

7.            Pennsylvania

8.            Georgia

9.            West Virginia

10.        Arkansas

Now, I’m not sure I want to live up North simply because it gets quite cold, but perhaps it’s not miserable, I don’t know. So the first one, I, quite frankly, really don’t know that much about. I’ve never read a book that took place in Maryland and I don’t hear much about it. Same for Massachusetts. Now, New York could be an option, but it’s complicated. See, I would not raise a child in New York City, and I don’t know about rural New York. The city may have culture and interesting things that can broaden your horizons, but it’s simply not a place to raise a child. And the rest doesn’t seem like it would have enough insight into the rest of the world – but what city really does?  Hmmm. I suppose with access to New York City, you could live a fairly crime-free life with frequent visits for the better “insights” part. But seriously, do we really want to be driving into and out of New York? I think not.

After New York, it’s not really worth moving there to get a less than 3^rd place school system. I mean, you can get the B- grades in the State I’m in now that the other States on the list hold. So no point continuing on down that list.

Which means we go international. The top ten countries as of 2010 are:

1.      South Korea

2.      Finland

3.      Canada

4.      New Zealand

5.      Japan

6.      Australia

7.      Netherlands

8.      Belgium

9.      Norway

10.  Estonia

Now, the countries I’ve been considering are US, France and the UK. Those are 17^th, 21^st and 11^th, respectively – none of them are on this list of top 10! We’re certainly not moving to South Korea. Finland may not be the worst idea - apparently, aside from top scholastics, they were ranked as one of the world’s most peaceful, competitive and livable countries. Problem is, I don’t speak Finnish. Also, it’s a very cold country. Not that I’m against it, but I don’t know about -20°F in winter. That might be a bit much. Also, they may have a lot of their own culture, but how much access do they have to other cultures? It also seems that they have a very old population with people not having children much. So there could be economic and other issues eventually. Perhaps Canada, but I feel that they are quite cut off from the rest of the world.

So then I looked at best countries to live in--not factoring in schools—and guess which one was at the top? It was France! Apparently, it ranks as the top for many things quite regularly (like culture, healthcare, infrastructure, etc.). Of course, I found another “top ten” and it had Vancouver, Canada at the top. Another list of “Happiest Countries” had Denmark at the top. Interestingly, all of these lists have had Luxembourg on them somewhere between 2 and 10. Apparently, it is the world’s richest country and also consumes the most alcohol in the world per citizen…then again, they have a small population, so maybe that number is a bit skewed.

Then I looked at unemployment rates for US, France and UK – 7.2, 7.5 and 5.5, respectively. As a point of interest, Luxembourg is at 4.7! New Zealand (#4 on the scholastic chart) is 4.0. While that is not bad, I certainly feel that New Zealand is quite cut off from the rest of the world and if we didn’t have a lot of money for travel, we would not get a good sense of the "bigger picture."

I was talking to one of your aunts about all this and I did mention that the UK has a better school system than France and US. And we thought that, actually, if we lived in France, the K-12 system would give you a good enough education, perhaps supplemented at home, and then we’d be close enough for you to go to Cambridge or Oxford when you go to college. So you’ll be able to get away from your mother in your college years, but you’d still be only a train ride away! Ha. Naturally, I adore London, so I can’t promise that I won’t come live there with you when you start going to college. But I guess we can discuss that when it comes up.

Well, I certainly want to do more research and math on these things. You know, if a country is at the 2 spot in schools, 4 in best place to live and 3 in healthcare, then what does it average out to vs other countries and their ratings?  We shall see!

Love you,

Your mom