Good News and Bad News

Dear Sienna Elyse,

Right now, I don't have any family living near me. My closest sister is 3.5 hours' drive away and the others are 6 hours away, with all my brothers at least a two hour flight away. But I've been thinking that once you and I are together, we'll move to be closer to my sisters, at least, which would be great.

The big thing recently is that while my parents are currently missionaries in South America, they have decided to come back to the States. Recently, they were attacked and robbed by armed gunmen (wait, is "armed" gunmen redundant? I'm not sure...). That was pretty awful. I got a little message from my dad on my phone (I rarely get an IM from him) saying that it was actually my mom and they'd been robbed at gunpoint. At which point I supressed the urge to scream in horror and immediately started calling them.

Turns out, they were sitting on their patio finishing up dinner and just talking, when my mom sees a masked guy running towards them with a gun in his hand, followed by a few others. She immediately starts screaming and runs for her bedroom, where she proceeds to hide under the bed after locking the door to her room.

Where was my father, your grandfather, you ask? Well, since my mother wasn't able to tell him that there were armed men coming at them, he had no idea and sort of watched her running off screaming in shock, before turning around to see these guys coming right at him. They proceeded to beat him up. One goes inside to grab stuff, a few (maybe four or five) stay outside to beat dad. At some point, he's on the ground and they're trying to decide what to do and he hears them say, "Let's just get rid of him." This is when he realizes they are going to kill him, so he decides he's not going to die on the ground like a coward and jumps up and starts attacking two of them. A third jumps into the fight and the rest are yelling at the ones fighting him to shoot him in the head, "...just shoot him, shoot him in the head."

This fight goes on for a little while and then they get scared, probably because dad is a lot stronger than they thought he would be, and take off running. Dad runs into the house to get mom and there is one more guy there who is taking off with a bunch of things. The guy points his gun at dad and tells him to stay there as he runs out of the house. Of course, dad chases after him, because, once you've physically attacked three young men with guns, what's chasing after one more???

Dad didn't get the last guy and they got away with my mom's laptop, their cell phones and a few other things. But didn't take the car, or even TV (not that they had a big one to take, anyway), which is extremely lucky. Mom wouldn't open the door for dad when he came knocking because she thought they had a gun to his head and were forcing him to get her to open the door so they could...well, do horrible things. So after thirty minutes of coaxing, she finally opens the door and comes out. Since my dad has been quite worried about just this sort of thing happening, he's always been paranoid about locking up his laptop and hiding it. Which means the robbers didn't get it and that's how mom was able to get in touch with me.

They called the police, but it took them over an hour to get there because their patrol car had broken down and they were forced to hitch-hike. The car that gave them a ride, dropped them off nearly a mile from mom and dad's house, so they had to run the rest of the way...yeah, that's cop service for you in third world countries.

Anyway, dad thinks they left because mom had gone into the house and they couldn't get to her, so they thought she had called the police and the cops were on their way. But, in a country like that, everyone knows the cops don't show up right away, certainly not within minutes of a call. So, I'm pretty sure they didn't expect dad to fight back and that frightened them more than anything. The good news here, is that mom and dad then decided to come back to the States! Which is awesome.

Unfortunately, it will take time for them to sell their house and get everything over here. Which is difficult for both them and us. Everyday, they have the memory of being attacked and everyday, we know something could happen to them. It's not a good way to live and I wish there was something I could do to help them get here. They've been missionaries for the last 30-something years and coming back here means they have absolutely nothing. They'll have to start everything over from scratch and I just don't even know what putting "Missionary for 35+ years" on their resume will ever get them. It's not going to be easy. If they could sell the house, then at least they'd have something to rely on for a while until they're better situated. But that's turning into quite a painful and difficult, nearly impossible process.

So, all that to say, I'm hoping they find a place near my sisters so that I can move closer to my sisters and parents at the same time. I think it's totally possible...maybe. Ha. But clearly, we're a family that enjoys dealing with nearly insurmountable odds and getting things done anyway. Dad has done it before and I'm sure he'll do it again. If they have to come here with nothing in their pockets, we'll figure out something anyway.

They're so excited about you. They are actually looking at homes near my city in case they can buy something when they get here so they can be here to help with you. I can't wait to have them nearby.

I love you.

Mom

Homestudies are fun!

Dear Sienna Elyse,

I finished the homestudy and am just waiting on my approval papers! Yay! The Catholic social worker told me that I am definitely approved; it's just a matter of them writing up my information and putting the approval on file. Once that happens, I go on a waiting list where birthmothers will be able to see my profile and decide if they'd like me to adopt their little one.

Unfortunately, the odds are not in my favor. When I went in with this adoption agency, they made it all sound quite well and lovely, that it was very possible that I would be picked, even if I am single. But I've been doing more research lately and, much as I thought previously, it would be a miracle if a birthmother picked me to adopt their baby in less than 5 to 10 years. That doesn't mean this won't happen, it just means it's going to be that much more difficult. Oh well, when have I ever done something the easy way? Maybe you'll know me when I'm less complicated and can do things the easy way from time to time.

In the meantime, I've been asked out and agreed to a couple dates here and there. We were not compatible. I've also been asked out and politely declined because, well, we were REALLY not compatible. My hopes of being a lovely young bride and then becoming a mother that way are quickly fading. One day, I'll meet a man who I have no hatred for the moment I set eyes on him, after some conversation, I won't detest him even more and will feel like I can stand his presence for a little longer than other men/people, that's when I'll be OK with him asking me out...and then I'll find out he's married or gay! :) Haha. I know I should not expect so much of a husband, but if I expect so much of myself, I don't see why I can't expect some of that from a husband. Well, life's simply not fair and one must get over it and move on.

Anyhoo, since you or a husband are quite the ways off to enter my life, I've agreed to take in my 17 year old niece - your cousin - for the summer. She's having...shall we say, some issues? Hopefully I can help her, but who knows with teenagers! I call her Padawan because I really think all teenagers are like Jedi apprentices - they're still deciding if they want to use the good or dark force, depending on who they've agreed to apprentice from (which could be Siths or Jedis), they are always strong in the force (i.e. they have a lot of potential) and it's all just a matter of which way they decide to go and how they decide to use their crazy powers of potential. Also, it's funny and it makes me giggle. So I call her that. Of course, I don't know if Sith Lords call their apprentices "Padawan" or not. I feel like they'd be real jerks to them, because they're evil and all, so maybe they have a worse name for them. Someday, I'll ask a Star Wars guru all these burning questions, or Google.

Hmmm...this is going strongly in the Star Wars direction - did you know Walt Disney bought the rights to...well, all of that? Wait, if you are old enough to read this, you probably really, really don't care.

Well, Padawan and I are spending the summer trying to be healthy and stay away from the sun. Yep, we both really hate that shiny ball in the sky - in our defense, we're quite certain it's trying to kill us, so, yeah. Oh! Also! This summer, I was introduced to a snake living in my basement. By now, you should know how much I love snakes and can imagine the absolute horror that was. I got snake repellent and made my entire lawn and house smell like a giant moth ball; I'm told by the internet that snake repellent doesn't work. I am now utterly free of moths, I'm unclear on the snake situation.

So, I should get my homestudy approval papers any day now and I should be put on a waiting list of hopeful parents wanting a little tiny baby to be their own (I suppose some of them could want a big fat baby, I'd be fine with that, too, but even if they're big and fat, I think they'd still be small...you know, by comparison to other, bigger things, so it's not entirely wrong of me to say "little tiny" - or maybe I should follow that with "by comparison to, say, a car").

Padawan thinks I'll be a great mom, but I guess you'll be the judge of that. I love you, stinker (you've undoubtedly had some stinky diapers, so I'm allowed to call you that).

Mom

We're on our way...

Dear Sienna Elyse,

On February 8^th, I sent in my adoption application to the Diocese of the City I’m in right now. Last week, March 13^th, I received my application approval. We’re moving forward with the home study and when that is complete, I will be put on a waiting list for someone to pick me to be your mother. Other than moving into the right house to have you and getting a better car to drive you around in, this is the biggest step forward. The first part of this process I can truly celebrate. The home study is something I can’t really fail…unless I commit a horrible crime or come down with a fatal decease. Good news! Neither of those are likely to happen! Ha.

Last year, at the end of the year, Russia decided they would no longer allow U.S. citizens to adopt Russian orphans. It’s quite heartbreaking because they only put the law into place in retaliation for another law the U.S. put into place, and the ones who will have to pay for it will be children. Hundreds of thousands of them. Just another example of the selfishness of grown-ups whose parents didn’t raise them right. I’d like to hope that you will grow up to never seek petty vengeance at the cost of those who are helpless and defenseless. If you have to seek vengeance, do it the right way, OK? You can’t really tell, but that’s a joke.

Anyway, back in December, the Russia ordeal had made me pretty sad as it was one of my only options as a country that accepted single mothers and met my other criteria. I was pretty upset, but of course, started looking everywhere else for what my other options might be. That’s when I stumbled on the Catholic church. They had an option for domestic adoption, but I couldn’t see any other information other than a name and number to call. So I was clueless about it. Of  course, I have not been very keen on domestic adoption from the beginning. The horror stories of birth mothers changing their minds and trying to take babies back from families that have become their parents and family, have frightened me more than I can say. But I called the number and set up an appointment to meet with the program manager. When I went in, she told me that their program had been closed for some time, but had just reopened right about the time the Russian adoption program had closed. Then, she went on to tell me that they were doing a re-vamp of their systems and that the fees for the process would be going up soon, so if I wanted to take advantage of the lower prices, I’d have to apply pretty quickly.

To begin with, the fees were about a fourth of what the Russian adoption fees were. I kept asking her to confirm the numbers I was seeing in the papers she had given me because I couldn’t believe it. Not that fees make any difference when it comes to you—if I were to give birth to you myself, I’d have to pay a massive hospital bill and no one ever thinks twice about that! But it did mean I would need much less time to save up. The fact that the program opened up just when I needed to find something, and at a time that the fees were lower than they would be was all quite serendipitous. Or so I’d like to think. The program would change its rates by February 18^th; I got my application in 10 days ahead of that deadline. Which, of course, was no walk in the park. It took a lot of work and many hours going over the information, completing the profile and putting together all the little tidbits that were necessary in order for me to be able to submit it. I saw various doctors to get their sign off on my health, I also got fingerprinted a couple times…and a had lady there insist that it needed to be done electronically and that if the hard copy printing didn’t work for me, I’d have to pay to get it done again. Of course, the fee to be fingerprinted was all of $10, so I’m still unsure what the fuss was all about! Oh, and the hard copy prints worked just fine.

All of that happened in about a month and then I was left waiting for nearly a month. I knew they would contact me in early March, but each day went by and I would go home thinking that letter would be in the mail and it wouldn’t be there! I even emailed the program manager and she assured me I would be getting a “notification” soon. Ugh, “notification” could mean anything!! So, naturally, it was the one day I went home not expecting anything that I got it in just a regular size letter envelope. There were no fireworks or bright lights, no music started to play or people gather to applaud, no Champagne bottles were popped or teary eyed family members there to embrace me. I walked quietly into the house and read the first paragraph without actually breathing. It took three and a half lifetimes, each word taking forever to process and understand, but likely three and a half seconds.  And then I screamed and scared the dog half way across the living room. She promptly went to her bed and sat there staring at me, waiting to see what else I would do. Then I remembered that just getting an application approval didn’t mean you’d be in my arms the next day, there was a whole lot more to go, so I calmed down. But I still took a picture of the paragraph that said I was approved and texted it to all my siblings. All six of them! Ha. My younger brother called and everyone else sent a text saying something awesome. Then, I called my mom and she did a bit of screaming for joy, too. Of course, talking to my mother, I got a little teary eyed and, as always, imagined you with me. By the way, when I imagine you being with me, I don’t see your face or anything, but you’re always the most perfect thing in the whole world. I try to imagine you misbehaving a little sometimes, because I figure that’s got to happen (otherwise, you’d be an alien or an other-worldly creature and I’m not sure I’m ready to handle that!). If I expect you to be perfect and you turn out to be human, then it would put too much pressure on you to be perfect all the time. Thus, imagining you being imperfect from time to time – what doesn’t change is how much I love you!

Now, I’ve got another waiting game. The program manager is going to get in touch with me about starting the home study, and, of course, it’s a week later and I haven’t heard anything and I’m all sick inside wondering what’s happening. And that’s when I remember that she said it would take at least two months before she would be able to do my home study. Haha. Yeah, I have to remind myself to calm down sometimes.

All that to say, I’m on my way! You will be born at the right time, to the right person so you can have the right mother and family. People like to say that “everything happens for a reason.” Honestly, I don’t really believe that (I couldn’t say that the tsunami that killed thousands of people “happened for a reason”; or the tornado that killed half a family and left the other half destitute is not really a “happened for a reason” moment). But I do believe that there are some important things in our lives that happen for a reason. And I’d like to think that all of these things happening in my life right now, are for a reason – you.

I love you,

Mom.