Dear Sienna Elyse,
Today I thought I would put up a picture of our dog Maddy.
She’s only six right now. I don’t know how old she’ll be when you meet her. She is the only one that keeps me company right now. She also protects me with all her barking and fierceness. But she’s only so fierce because she’s a bit loopy. And I mean that in the best way possible. She’s really afraid of everything, which is why she barks so much. But then, that’s what makes the best guard-dogs. Before she came to live with me (I adopted her from a foster pet program), she was beaten by a man – or so her vet told me; which is why her vet thinks she’s afraid of men. That certainly would explain why men terrify her. Of course, she’s allergic to grass…and trees and bushes and, I think, most plants. Sometimes she pees when she gets really scared or super excited, which is gross. She’s a golden retriever mix, but she hates water and fetching – two things golden retrievers should love. So that’s weird. But don’t tell her, she’ll just get offended. But, even with all her fears and allergies and issues, she still obeys me pretty well.
She’s a pretty good dog all around, but she does have her quirks. She sheds a lot…and I mean a whole heck of a lot. Lately, she’s been getting out of the back yard and last night I found out that she knows how to climb the fence! Can you believe that? I was so frustrated because I thought she was digging under it. But no, I saw that she escaped and I called her and told her to go home and sure enough, she just climbs right up and over the fence! I could have screamed in irritation. I’ll have to think up a way to fix that!
I’m reading about adoption again today. One adoption agency says that once I start the process, it would take about a year for your adoption to take place. I think I’ve decided to adopt from Russia. I’m not sure how that decision came about exactly, but I seem to have some attachment to adoption from there. So that could be where you’re from. Though, who knows? Your grandma was telling me last night that there are a lot of children in Rwanda who are orphaned and people are adopting from there. But I’m not sure I’m ready to tread in Angelina Jolie’s footsteps…I’m really not pretty or rich enough for that, not to mention, I have no Brad Pitt at my side. Ha.
Once I choose an agency, then they’ll do this whole thing where they check out my home and make sure I’m ready to take care of you. I’m worried that my heart problem will be an issue. I mean, I know I can take care of you just fine, but what if they think that I am not capable of doing so since my heart skips beats sometimes? The medication helps, so I should be fine; but will they see it that way? Could it be that I can’t have a baby and I can’t adopt one without being married?
No, I will find a way. I will find a way to you. Regardless of the obstacles. Even if it means I have to get a pace-maker to fix this problem, that’s what I’ll do if it’s the only path to you.
Wow, so much to think about, so many things to do to get to you. That’s how special you are! I’ve looked at all the obstacles in my path to you and other people might be daunted by them, but I don’t care about them because you are my baby and I will get to you, even if I have to go to the end of the world (though, really! Where exactly is the end of the world?? Because if you start from your current spot and go around the world, the end of it would be right beside your current spot…wouldn’t it? Hmm...).
Oh, I thought of another place we could live – Argentina. That’s a little less reasonable, but only because I don’t speak any Spanish, I don’t have residency (it’s taken your grandparents nearly ten years to get theirs!), and I’m not sure what standard of schools they have. It’s not a totally insane idea, of course. It would be fun to live out there, with the grape vines and mountains. It would probably be more of a “simple” life, but we’d be around your grandparents at least. Well it’s a thought I’m mulling over along with all the others.
I read a story in the news today about a family waiting on a $65,000 tax rebate. Apparently, they adopted five children with needs and there is a higher cap on the amount of taxes you can get back now, especially for adopting children with needs. They’re complaining about not getting the rebate yet because they’re trying to buy a house. I don’t know, if they’re adopting these children so they can help them, then good for them and I hope they do get that money from the Government (the only place I’ll accept handouts from). But it seems a bit fishy to me that they would adopt FIVE children, all with needs. I grew up in a big family and it was difficult for your grandparents to give us all attention and we weren’t needy…well not physically or mentally, anyway. I’ve heard of parents having a hard time with one needy child, I can’t imagine five. I question whether these people are going to be able to properly take care of all their children and whether they were hoping that adopting that many children would just bring in more money for themselves. Wanting to help needy children is not a bad thing, of course, but doing it for personal gain is wrong. I hope they’re doing the right thing, but who knows? It’s not good to see the worst in people, but unfortunately, most of the time people are far worse than we could ever imagine.
I suppose we can always hope for the best, can’t we?
I love you darling,
Your mom. 
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